WHO'S MOMMY'S BIG BOY?
I’ve often heard women remark that the hardest part of being a working mom is the child care. I’ve written before on the blog (HERE) about our own childcare journey. How when I was pregnant, the original plan was that Avi would go directly to daycare at 12 weeks (when I returned to work). How Jared and I had considered the pros and cons of daycare vs nanny vs nanny share and had decided that daycare made the most sense for us financially and schedule-wise. And how once Avi actually arrived, everything changed and we hired a nanny.
For the past 10 months, we have shared our life with Sarah. We will be forever grateful for the role she played in helping to raise our son during his first year. She helped guide him through sleep training, solid foods, crawling and walking. She’s taught him sign-language and how to wave ‘bye-bye’. We joke that Sarah is Avi’s best friend, but the truth is that she is and he lights up when he sees her. But all good things must come to an end. Today is Sarah’s last day with us.
But when one door closes, another opens and tomorrow is Avi’s first day of daycare. As the day approaches, I’m filled with every emotion. I’m so excited for Avi to spend his days with other kids. I’m sure that he will love the activities and the social interaction. But this logistical transition of child care also marks a transition in Avi’s development. He’s going into the Toddler Room. He is no longer a baby. He is my big boy. (It’s a good thing you can’t see tear drops on a computer screen). My heart aches, but I know it’s true. Not only is it true, but it’s GOOD. This is what’s supposed to happen. They are our babies for such a short time and it’s our job to guide them, to support them, to care for them and to slowly let them go. Going back to work was my first big hurdle in letting Avi go - when I left him in someone else’s care for the first time. Daycare is just another step.
I have to remind myself that these are all GOOD things, because Motherhood is a paradox. What is good and healthy can also be heartbreaking. What is fun and exciting can also be terrifying. To make it through, we all suffer from a touch of insanity mixed with a just bit of amnesia. Our brains use nostalgia so that we forget what it really feels like to be up at 3am with a screaming newborn. I long for Avi to fall asleep on my chest, forgetting what it really felt like to rock a baby to sleep for 45 minutes - only to have him wake up the second I put him down. I have to remind myself that every stage will have its beauty and its heartbreak. I will forever miss those newborn snuggles, but I have to remember that it wasn’t all fun. And that the toddler stage will be the same way.
So here’s to you, Avi, my sweet big boy. Tomorrow is the first day of your next big adventure. I hope and pray that you will continue to venture out into the big world and that this will be the first of many adventures for you. (cue the tears)